kindergarten.

9:43 a.m.  :44

 

Time is going.  The day is here.  Today is Zoey's first day of Kindergarten.

  

To say I have mixed emotions is the lamest thing ever.  And totally an understatement.  "Mixed" "Bittersweet" "Conflicted" none capture this twisting in my heart.  This scattering in my brain.  This pit in my stomach.  And, now, piercing pain in my lower back... (however that could simply be my bad desk chair.) ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know I'm not the first or last mother to have an only child that I send off to school.  Right or wrong, I'm not the first or last to have stayed at home and "helicopter" parented for 5 years.  And I know I'm not the first to have considered homeschooling.  But I am me.  This is my blog and my feelings. 

 

I am the first and only me...with the first and only Zoey, a tall child with bright blonde hair and beaming blue eyes.  A child with an impeccable memory.  An empathic being with razor sharp wit.  Zoey is a little girl with an old soul.  She is outgoing and shy all wrapped into one.  She's a five year old with comedic timing and a temper. 

 

Now she's off to school.  A rite of passage in this community.  Smiles all around as we walked to school this morning.

 

Walked.  Down the hill and around the corner.  All of ten minutes at most.  She assured me that as she got older, and as her legs got longer, she will walk faster.  I'm sure she heard me mention that to someone over the summer as we did a trial run of our soon-to-be ritual morning.  I said it only as a cute aside to another adult... How her little legs only go so fast. Precious to me.  I fear she thought that she just didn't have it - wasn't right in some way.  Wasn't big enough or fast enough.  I certainly hope not. 

 

These days she's constantly standing on chairs and things asking how long til she will be "this tall" or "that tall."  We try to guess...  "I think you'll be 8 when you are this tall."  "You might be 14 when you are this tall."  All the while reassuring her (and myself) that the height she is now is perfect.  That she is already TALL.  That she is growing everyday and to enjoy being "this tall" right now.

 

The flowers on our way to school. 
"Look Zoey, purple flowers just for you!"

My sweet tall girl walked confidently to school today.  We passed by a lot of people stopping to say Hi and good luck.  Most thought today was her second day...  they did a staggered start for the Kindergarten classes and she is the second half of the alphabet.  I don't know whether it took the pressure off or not?!  She didn't really know the difference, but I got a buffer from the massive onslaught of kids returning to school.  That and being off of Facebook recently has kept me away from others retellings...  good or bad?!  I don't know.

 

John and I met with her teacher briefly on Tuesday night.  She seems like a very nice lady.  Been teaching for 10 years or so.  Has kids of her own at the school. 

 

The side entrance to school.

Her coat hook and her cubby off to the left behind her.

 

 

The school itself is old and hot and muggy.  John went to the same school 30 years ago.  The lady Zoey will have next year will be the same one John had for first grade (her last year before retirement).  I think everyone is doing the best with what they have, but I can't help think there has to be a better way.  This thought, alongside the idea of having time for myself while she is at school, is what makes my stomach knot up.  Why can I not be able to achieve both: 1. a quality education in an environment where students are comfortable and taught valuable lessons in more than reading and basic math and the ever thrown around "socialization" 2. a time/schedule where I can pursue avenues to keep my mind and heart thriving...?! 

 

I suppose that is what keeps parents moving forward...  actively seeking the best for all involved. 

 

I know Zoey will love school.  I know she will learn.  I know John and I will encourage her and supplement her education/life long learning.  I know that she will develop into her own little person - in a good way.  I know I will find a path of my own that includes all aspects of the massive spinning thoughts in my head.  I know this...  simply because I have to.  That and I have faith. 

 

"Faith," said my friend Christine, "that you've given her the best start you could have and that she'll flourish with the skills and love that have been her foundation."

 



The familiar nervous, but ok, look on her sweet little face. 



 Back at home:

We told Zoey that she couldn't take Bunny to Kindergarten.  We have told her this from the beginning.  She understands, but wanted to make sure Bunny was well set at home.  At HIS school.... So yesterday we made Bunny a school in her room.

 

She added the toys in the window sill just before we left the house....

 

 When she woke up I heard her explaining to her animals that they couldn't go with her to school.  "Because toys aren't allowed at school."  But she reassured them they would be fine and had jobs to do here.  Cat in the Hat is the teacher today. 

 

The light in the middle is to help tell spooky ghost stories at school.
The Pink hippo in the back is to help talk about animals.
There is also a chalkboard and a playground. 

*As always, Bunny is dressed in his day clothes and shoes.  (Aunt Tracy, the orange sweater is only for pajamas these days.)  ;)