Writing...now....

I have a need to write.  Yes, I do.  But I haven't done it.  I haven't written - much of anything - in a long time.  No blog posts.  Many fewer FB status updates.  No stories.  No book ideas.  Not even so much as a list in a very long time.  WHAT?! you say...  "No LISTS?!?"  Yep, I haven't even gotten to the store with a list in weeks. 

So, here I sit.  Zoey's napping.  I'm trying to get my head together from a morning that I didn't really expect.  (No story there, so don't bother asking.)  DOOL is on in the background.  I can't even sit still to watch that anymore.  I'm "lucky" lately that Zoey has been napping during this time so I can get my fill of "my stories" as Grandpa would say... but eh... bleh...  it's just so...  not where my mind is...  not even where my mind wants to vacation these days.

I want to be outside...  or at least I like the idea of being outside.  I'm not at all interested in being outside in this almost-spring weather.  Nosirree!  I want SUN and a slight breeze.  Here in the Valley that perfect weather might last all of one week.  Two if I embrace the muddy grass on one side of that week or the blazing heat of the week after.  That's how it is here.  ...Ok, not really.  It just feels that way right now as I sit and stare out at my muddy yard. 

I did have the windows open this morning - at least part way.  That was refreshing. 

...On to other writing news...
I have some pictures in the "queue" here.  waiting.  to go up on the ol' blog.  They are from when Zoey was so sick a few weeks ago.  I want to post them because they are a memory here - a moment.  But they are so sad to me.  I just want to have some other things to buffer my loooong absence here before throwing those pictures up.  (Ok, so maybe I'll do it tonight.) 

My sweet friend, Crysta, has given up Facebook for Lent.  (You may have seen her posts show up on my blogroll.)  I thought about giving something up.  Not because I'm religious at. all.  But I am surrounded by people that are either Catholic, religious, or simply like to do what everyone is talking about doing... so I did think about it.  Then thought that didn't jive with me to just give up something because it's "time" to try the sacrifice.  Although I do like Crysta's views on the whole thing.  Check her bloggie blog out, if you wish.

I view my spiritual connections a bit differently than many I have met.  So, I'm using this Lenten season to keep gratitude in my heart and voiced frequently - everytime I think about someone giving up something special to them for 40 days (or see them actively not having that mocha or pastry or whatever), I try to think of those things and people in my life that make my life so special.  Thank you!  Thank you! Thank you!  and thank YOU!  I'm not going to post a picture of my gratitude.  I'm not going to write every thankful thought out for the world to see.  At least not now.  I have seen various forms of a "gratitude" project out there in the internet world...  Most do make me stop and think.  (I'm sure that's the point.)  But I have yet to be moved to do one myself - at least publicly.  I'm simply going to try to stay thankful in my heart and when I'm so moved to do so on here or there or there... It'll be that much grander to me.

....I've been told I need to write something, anything, every day.  I'm working on that...  Maybe I'll keep this going with a list.  Perhaps a happy list... like all the places in my house I could actually put live flowers/plants where the cats won't eat them!  Hmmm.... 


...

...

I think that list might be too short to count.  ;)

Eulogy

Most of you who know me in the real world know that I lost my Grandma on Friday. This has been a very hard time for me. I've been consumed with all of the feelings people have when a loved one dies. I've also been feeling pain and worry for my mom. I'm really not in a place to write about what has happened....how I feel...not even so much the day-to-day recap of the normal things...
My sister wrote a nice piece about the funeral day. Wander on over to Edgehill House to get her scoop.

I did speak at the funeral. I've had some people ask to read what I said. This is what I wrote out the night before. It was pretty much stream of consciousness with spaces and dots and such for ease of reading aloud. I have tons of stories and many other memories (as we all do), but I stuck with a few short ones to keep things real. to keep things light.

Freda Bernadine Snodgrass was my Grandma.
She was also a wife, mother, sister, aunt, niece and friend.
…A seamstress, tutor, chef, cheering section…

She loved tomato sandwiches,
Miracle whip on her lettuce,
Cream in her coffee.

She was a night owl that liked to stay up late and watch tv.
She loved The Golden Girls and I remember watching that with her on the little tiny tv in the kitchen while football or “In The Heat of The Night” was on in the living room.

She was a fan of The Price is Right, but not of Drew Carey.

She watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy every night after dinner. She was known to shout out the puzzle answers and question Vanna’s choice of wardrobe.

She sat in her chair at the end of the living room – in tandem with Grandpa’s chair – and watched Days of Our lives after lunch. She usually fell asleep before the end, but that gave me, as a preschooler, the perfect opportunity to drink the last cold sip of creamy coffee from her cup.

She was a great cook.

One of the strongest memories I have is of walking up the stairs from the basement and hearing the pressure cooker, full of green beans. She made the best green beans. Complete with onions that the adults always fought over. I never did – at the time thinking onions were disgusting. Now, I love them. I never had one of Grandma’s onions.

She baked birthday cakes, applesauce cake and pumpkin pies.
She once made a 3-D rainbow and pot of gold appear on my birthday cake. The gold being yellow m&ms.

For years her refrigerator housed the coolest summertime invention, the picklevador. Tupperware never knew what memories it created.

How can we talk of food and Grandma without mentioning Fiestaware? She probably never even thought twice about her dinnerware, that is until she found out her children and grandchildren all became fanatical Fiesta fans. Now, I have started with my daughter and I think I’ve even converted my husband.

Even after she stopped cooking, Grandma watched Food TV. Learning about new foods, new recipes, and deciding which celebrity chef was worth his or her fancy show.

Grandma had a wicked sense of humor – sarcasm.
Each of us has either fallen prey to or found boisterous laughter with her quick – sometimes cutting- wit.

Ask anyone in this room for a quick story... My brother in law “Kevin” or any number of waitresses at the Parkette or Eat n Park.

Just yesterday someone mentioned how Grandma might not have been the most touchy-feely person in the room, but she was always appreciative of people and fiercely protective of her family. I think her humor was her way of coping with stress and uncomfortable situations.

Even so, she was always there to make me laugh. I remember when I found out she had false teeth. We were in the back seat of one of the many Fifth Avenue cars, on the way somewhere… I don’t even remember how old I was… I just remember something about dentures and then POP - she opened up and stuck out her bottom teeth. I was totally shocked. and laughed.

She wanted the best for us, the best for her family.

Grandma was a smart and articulate woman.

She taught me to read. She made me finish my homework. She came to my basketball games. She applauded my science fair projects and Helped be become the person I am today.

She was my first best friend.

"Grilled cheese...the ultimate comfort food."

That title is a quick line I just heard on one of my guilty pleaures... Days of Our Lives. Most of you know it, have heard of it, watch it, or even made fun of it. It's been in my life since I was in diapers. I would watch it every weekday with my Grandma and yes, my Grandpa. Every weekday as I spent my formative years being cared for by the two most important people in my life. (Not to mention my parents... that's goes without saying. But I'll say it anyway... I love them too!!)



My Grandpa died just over a year ago. I cry just thinking about him. He was the strongest man I have ever known and still is...



"stronger than steel - stainless..." That was part of a poem I had tried to write for his funeral. I couldn't do it. I couldn't put into words how much I was feeling. I definately couldn't put my feelings into poetic words - even prose. I let my sister do that. She was amazing.



Tomatoes, garden pride, tractors and lawn care... Crysler cars. She touched on it all. We cried. We, being the "kids." Tracy, Amanda, Joey, and Me... we were our Grandpa's sun. And he was our compass - giving us the tools to take us in the right direction.



No, he wasn't perfect. But none of us are.



I wasn't planning on starting this new journey - this blog - with memories of Grandpa Buss. I hadn't even expected to start a blog. I know I am behind the times with this version of media. But changes are happening.... and I think I need to chronicle these Miller Moments.