Breaks my heart.

These pictures are from back in February.  ..Back when Zoey was so sick.  Sick for two weeks.  It was awful. She and I ended up sleeping in the living room with the couches pushed together.  Was that for her or me?  It doesn't really matter which now.

I wasn't too keen on taking pictures of her during this time or even wanting to post/look at what I did take...  But as I said a few weeks ago...  This is another moment here at the Manor.  One that took much out of all of us.  One from which we are grateful to have moved on...

Having a child is difficult at times.  It is also greatly wonderful and rewarding.  I thank God everyday for my beautiful and healthy little girl.  Literally. Every. Day.  I pray for health.  I pray for strength.  I ask God and the Universe to guide me. 

Never in my past have I been a person to talk about my views on faith, spirituality or ever religion.  Never, that is, until I met John... and then still very rarely...  Now, that I have had a child...Now, that I have given birth, created a miracle, literally lived and breathed for a tiny soul... Well, it's a bit easier for me to trust in something bigger than me. 

I'm also in a place in my life where I am ok to ask for help.  (It's still really hard!)  Praying is asking for help.  Help from God, from my inner soul, from the Universe, from a collective soul.  I truly believe all of those "things" are around us to help and guide. 

Road to recovery:  I knew Miss Z was starting to get better when she wandered around the kitchen, saw the angel food cake that Grandma had made for her, and insisted she have a piece.  :) 

I hadn't intended for this post to take on such a turn of subject matter.  I suppose it is the root of the photos.  Our whole family and friends were collected in thoughts of love for the time Zoey was not feeling well.  Through struggles with taking medications... our intensive "training" in suppositories.  Through worried tepid baths filled with toys and tears (mostly mine).  And the countless hours of watching cartoons on the couch...  We were all focused on "getting through."  I will never forget that we did make it through.  Instead of calling out in help or in times of need, I'm staying as true as I can daily.  Gratitude, yo!  ;)

I realize that I may sound dramatic.  I don't take any of this lightly.  But I also do not take any one else's struggles lightly.  I know many people that have had sick children (even friends that have lost children).  I think of them too.  But here, I can write about my own experiences. Lessening no one elses.