Loss

People die. Everyday. Somewhere.


This fact doesn't normally come into my thoughts. Images of death are spread all over the media these days - war, crime, fiction. I see it so frequently that I really never pay attention. At times, however, the news does hit me. The images make me cry. The stories leave me with a gut gnawing feeling.

The last few weeks have made death personal.

It started with a friend's uncle. His death made the national news. It was startling to me only after seeing my friend after he came out of hiding. He's not much for displays of emotion... at least not to me. I'm ok with that.


Then my Grandma. The hardest, by far, for me. I still can't write about it. I may not ever be able to. I'm ok with that.


Then, within a week, John's cousin. She was in her early thirties, a mother to a six year old girl. I have been told, a great lover of life. I only knew her through the girls' Christmas dinners. This loss hurt more because of the immense pain it caused my (aka John's) family.


After we heard that news, I talked to John about the whole "things happen in 3's" wives' tale. I thought we were done... safe from more pain. Then he told me this... Our friend's uncle was one of three runners. Our current third was Ole John's friend. I never met him, but still....


And now today, as John returns from his cousin's viewing... I read terrible news of loss from my cousin (via marriage, but closer to me than many by blood). She has lost her baby. Through all of this... there are no words.

We, as a collective, seek answers. I know that there are no answers. I still ask. Why?

I don't know if I can say I'm a believer in fate. I tend to think one controlls his/her own destiny. However, that said, I still believe "things happen for a reason." What that reason may be for this string of pain, I don't know. Perhaps my knowledge of these people, these lives, however brief... perhaps I am to learn to be thankful for my life, my family, my friends. Learn to respect life and health and relationships.

That's all well and good. It doesn't ease the gut gnawing. It doesn't stop the lump in my throat.